So Tired

Sunday we dropped LSS off at her mother’s apartment.  We walked into the apartment and found LSS’s mother with a large wad of money in her hand, making change for some guy.  I suppose that possibly he was paying her to do his laundry or perhaps she has started selling Arbonne.  But really, I think that she is back to dealing.  And there is nothing that I can do about it, except wait for her to hit bottom again and hope that LSS is with me when it happens.

As if that wasn’t enough to make my Sunday rough, I got home and logged into Facebook and discovered that I was being sucked back into the drama from our old church.  Perhaps part of that is my own fault.  Mistake number one:  We trusted someone.  Mistake number two:  We have been attending a church that has other member of our former church going there now.  Mistake number three:  We thought that we might be finally entering into a time of healing and restoration.  Which all led to mistake number four:  We let our guard down.

I know that the above sounds cynical.  That’s because I am!  I have been in “the Church” all my life.  And it has been “Christians” who have caused my family the most pain.  I know that is all part of being in the ministry and I know that God will deal with those people.  But I long for there to be trust and friendship within the body of Christ.  I long for communion among God’s people.  New England churches are filled with notoriously cold, closed off people, but there has to be other Christians in New England who long for that to be different and are willing to cause a change.  Actually I KNOW that there are, but they are as scared to trust and let their guard down as I am.

Oh Lord!  Please lead me to those people.  Please help me to find trustworthy people again.  People who Hubby and I can pray with.  People who we can be ourselves around.  People who wish to uplift.  And God, please let me be worthy of being around such people and help me to never hurt them as I have been hurt!

I am tired.  I am emotionally exhausted.  Everything seems worse when we are tired.

Isaiah 40:31

“Those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”

~ by onbecomingnew on September 22, 2009.