I haven’t been feeling very bloggy lately.  Just too stressed even for words.  So many things are up in the air right now.  Hubby’s job situation.  Our church situation.  Our childlessness.  Family stuff.  Health stuff.  Just everything.  And no real answers for anything, but that is OK because at least for the moment, I have stopped questioning.  It is all out of my control.  And I suppose that is just how God wants it to be.

Quite often I will find blogs that tug at my hearts strings and/or bring me to my knees in prayer, but this is the first time that I am posting about one here.

Stellan is a precious little baby boy who is very sick.  Please join me in prayer for this little one and for his family.  You can read about his story here…it will touch your heart!  I am amazed at the level of faith that this family has in this time of crisis.

Dear Jesus, Please be with Stellan right now.  Wrap your arms around Him.  Grant peace and comfort to his family and let them know that You are in control of this situation.  Be near to the, God.  And please, please, please, if it be your will, heal this precious baby.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

So last night, my hubby read my post about our ministry becoming our life and he said, “You know what? I think that you are right!” (What wife doesn’t like to hear those words?)

But then I got thinking about how we let it happen. And I realized that to me, having a “ministry” made me feel important and of value to the body of Christ.

You see, I struggle with that…not feeling important enough or worthy enough to be called a child of God. And yes, I do know that no one is worthy enough and that it is ONLY through Christ that we are made worthy. But that enemy of ours keeps screaming at me, “Hey Girl! I know you! I know how much you have messed up! I know your past! You will never be able to make up for turning your back on God when you were younger!”

My heart knows that God has forgiven me. My heart knows that God created me, knowing that I would mess up and fall away from Him, but He still created me!! And more than that, He created me knowing that I would mess up, but still desiring my worship of Him and still intending to use me to help lead others to Him! What an amazing God! How unworthy I am!

I hate the battle between my flesh and my spirit. My heart and spirit yearn to be completely lined up with Christ and His will for my life. My sinful flesh longs to be recognized…to be told I am important and valued to this world.

Why do I long for recognition from a sinful world when I have recognition from a Perfect God?

I find great solace in knowing that the apostle Paul also struggled with his sin nature.

Paul wrote in Romans 7:18-19, 24 “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing….What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?”

Man! If Paul struggle with his sinful nature, then I guess I can’t complain when I must still battle mine. It is yet another on going process in becoming new.