Quite often I will find blogs that tug at my hearts strings and/or bring me to my knees in prayer, but this is the first time that I am posting about one here.

Stellan is a precious little baby boy who is very sick.  Please join me in prayer for this little one and for his family.  You can read about his story here…it will touch your heart!  I am amazed at the level of faith that this family has in this time of crisis.

Dear Jesus, Please be with Stellan right now.  Wrap your arms around Him.  Grant peace and comfort to his family and let them know that You are in control of this situation.  Be near to the, God.  And please, please, please, if it be your will, heal this precious baby.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

OK.  I admit it.  I am not patient.  Not at all!  (Just ask my poor husband.)

But Psalm 38:15 says “I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.”

Isaiah 40:31 says “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Isaiah 30:18  says “And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.”

Wait! Wait! Wait! But I am always in a hurry.  I can’t even sit still and watch a movie unless  I am sick.  I have two speeds:  Off and On.  When I am off, then there is no getting me going.  When I am on, then watch out because nothing will stop me.  No wonder I haven’t been hearing from God lately.  I am not stopping long enough to hear His voice.  I talk to Him and then I either don’t shut up long enough to hear Him or I just get caught up in my daily life and become to busy to hear Him.

Just Wait!  But do you know how daunting of a task that seems?

Almost every blog that I have read today has mentioned prayer. Blogs about praying for the president and his family , praying for guidance and God’s will in life, praying for a miracle baby(ies), a thank you for the prayers for a sick, but adorable baby ,  a blog on our call to prayer and so many more.  Prayer and the topic of Prayer is in the air today.

Most of these bloggers do not know that I lurk almost daily at their site. Occasionally I gather up enough courage to comment. But most of the time, I just secretly admire them from afar.

Today I envy them a bit. I envy their ability to talk and connect with God. I know that I can talk to God. I know that He listens. But lately I seem to be having a hard time connecting with God.

My morning ritual involves a forty-five minute drive to work. I usually use that time to talk to God. But for the past few weeks I have felt more and more like I am just talking to myself. I am feeling distant from Him. My drives to work are lonely now.

Today when some of my Christian co-workers gather for the weekly prayer group, I will probably skip once again. Why? Because I feel fake. I just can’t seem to establish the intimacy that I long for…that I once had.

I know that part of it is because I have not been praying as much as I used to. Before the situation (see here and here) that drove us from our previous church ministry, the teens in our youth group were always seeking me out to pray with them. My husband and I would receive calls at all hours of the night from people needing prayer. My husband and I would daily seek God’s guidance for our ministry and intercede for those trusted into our care. Now it seems like we struggle just to say a quick prayer together each morning.

My head knows that God is here even when I don’t feel Him.  But my heart just feels lonely for Him and unsure about how to get Him back.  My head knows that in order to feel Him I need to keep talking to Him and remain open to Him.  But my enemy whispers into my ear that I am not worthy of intimacy with God.  My head knows that He has never left me and will never forsake me.  But my pride tells me to let Him come get me just in case He rejects me if I go to Him.

And so the battle rages inside me.  And my struggles become greater as I attempt to carry them on my own.  So I will listen to BarlowGirl’s Never Alone over and over and realize that He is here.  And today I will make a renewed effort…an effort to find that intimacy…to find my way back into my God bubble.

Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

*****UPDATE***** Today the weekly e-mail reminder about the prayer group said the following:  “When we gather in Jesus’ name we make Him the Lord of our meeting; and with whatever imperfections we come and pray, we can be confident in His promise that He is present, and that He knows our hearts and our needs, and He delights to speak with us and make Himself known.”

Needless to say…I went to the pray group today.  Nothing monumental happened, but it is a start.