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Wretched Woman That I Am!

November 21, 2008

So last night, my hubby read my post about our ministry becoming our life and he said, “You know what? I think that you are right!” (What wife doesn’t like to hear those words?)

But then I got thinking about how we let it happen. And I realized that to me, having a “ministry” made me feel important and of value to the body of Christ.

You see, I struggle with that…not feeling important enough or worthy enough to be called a child of God. And yes, I do know that no one is worthy enough and that it is ONLY through Christ that we are made worthy. But that enemy of ours keeps screaming at me, “Hey Girl! I know you! I know how much you have messed up! I know your past! You will never be able to make up for turning your back on God when you were younger!”

My heart knows that God has forgiven me. My heart knows that God created me, knowing that I would mess up and fall away from Him, but He still created me!! And more than that, He created me knowing that I would mess up, but still desiring my worship of Him and still intending to use me to help lead others to Him! What an amazing God! How unworthy I am!

I hate the battle between my flesh and my spirit. My heart and spirit yearn to be completely lined up with Christ and His will for my life. My sinful flesh longs to be recognized…to be told I am important and valued to this world.

Why do I long for recognition from a sinful world when I have recognition from a Perfect God?

I find great solace in knowing that the apostle Paul also struggled with his sin nature.

Paul wrote in Romans 7:18-19, 24 “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing….What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?”

Man! If Paul struggle with his sinful nature, then I guess I can’t complain when I must still battle mine. It is yet another on going process in becoming new.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 21, 2008 10:21 am

    Yes,yes that flesh is a nasty mess,but like you said God knew us and what we were all about yet He still Chose us!!! His love and amazing Grace,what would we do without it.Praise God we don’t have to worry because He is for us.Really enjoyed your post.
    Love in Christ

  2. Snickelfritz permalink
    November 21, 2008 10:52 am

    One of the things I struggle most with is the illogical need for recognition when as you’ve said we have recognition from a perfect God. It’s unfortunate; we shouldn’t care if our hard work and dedication is completely ignored by people, there’s a bigger reward at the end! But, we do care. It doesn’t really make sense.

  3. November 21, 2008 10:55 am

    Like pttyann said “that flesh is a nasty mess”! But somehow it is nice to know that I am not alone in my struggle with it!

  4. November 21, 2008 4:55 pm

    I’ll just go ahead and say it: You’re not alone! Not that it helps. Not that it excuses either of us or any of us. But it’s just true, and for some dumb reason that’s a comfort!

  5. November 21, 2008 4:59 pm

    Actually it does help! And you are right, it doesn’t excuse any of us. I am just so thankful that God is gracious enough to overlook all my many flaws! 🙂

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