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Letter to My 20 Year Old Self

February 6, 2009

I don’t know who originally came up with the idea of writing a letter to your 19 or 20-year-old self, but it is brilliant. So I am going to jump on the bandwagon along with fellow bloggettes Kristen from Dancing in the Margins and Rachel at Musings of a Future Pastor’s Wife.

Dear 20 year old me,

You are going to make the biggest mistakes of your life this year. And I know that there is nothing that I can say to stop them from happening. But I want to tell you that God knows that you are going to make these mistakes and He loves you anyway.

You are going to spend a terrifying 4 weeks in the hospital because of complications from your appendectomy. Your heart will stop and you will catch a vision of heaven. You will ache to stay there and will be angry when the doctors revive you. I know that you long more than anything to be with your cousin who just died, but he will wait for you. God has bigger plans for you on earth, my girl. Just be patient because you won’t find them for a few years.

You will go on a missions trip and will come back on-fire for God and head right to Bible college. You will see miracles happen. But you will still look for love in the wrong places. I wish that I could tell you to stay at Bible college, but I know you won’t listen and will leave after your first semester there. But please remember to tuck those miracles away in your heart because those miracles will bring you back to The One Who Truly Cares for you. It will be the memory of those miracles that will someday remind you that God was with you all along…even when you weren’t with Him.

Another Valentine’s Day will come. You will be more lonely than ever and make a decision that will haunt you for the rest of your life. I wish that I could make you not go to the bowling ally to pick up your step-sister. I wish that I could tell you to not listen when he tells you how pretty you are. I wish that you didn’t long to hear those words so much. But you do. And they make you feel good. For the first time in your life you will feel wanted and needed and beautiful. I don’t want to take that feeling away from you, I just wish that you have found it in Christ, not in the arms of a boy who will take your innocence and betray your trust.

I wish that I could tell you that the next several years will be fun and easy for you, but I can’t. You will continue to blindly look for love all the while you will be traveling down a road of destruction. I wish that I could tell you that you will run into the arms of God instead of the arms of man, but I can’t. Your mistakes will leave you shattered and feeling unworthy to ever turn to God again. But Sweetie, you can. He created you knowing that you would make these mistakes. He created you planning to use you regardless of your mistakes.

What I can tell you is that in a few years, when you have reached your lowest point and have no where else to turn, God will bring the most amazing man into your life and will give you a second chance. Just hang in there because everything will change and life will eventually become better than you have ever dreamed.

You are going to spend years dealing with the consequences of your decisions and you are going to want to beat yourself up over your mistakes. Don’t do it. As soon as you ask God to forgive you, He will forget them…you should to.

Love,

Your Older (And Hopefully Wiser) Self

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