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Broken into Beautiful

March 11, 2009

Broken Into Beautiful

By Gwen Smith

She’s smiling on the outside
But she’s hurting on the inside
It’s getting hard just living anymore
And the shadows she has clung to
Painful things that she has been through
Have left her feeling worthless, Lord… but

You change worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful

We live with accusations
Sometimes heavy expectations
That tell us we can never measure up
And yet You repeat with mercy
That in your eyes we are worthy
At last we see how much we’re loved cause

Though we can’t see how we can stand before you Lord
And feel valued, priceless and adored

Tears streamed down my face the first time I heard this song. I guess that is what happens when you hear your life in a song.

The part that really hit me was “And the shadows she has clung to. Painful things that she has been through have left her feeling worthless.”

When I heard that, my soul screamed, “That’s ME!”

I am clinging to the shadows of my past. Shadows that are filled with anguish, guilt, loneliness and worthlessness.

I know that God will take the past and use it for His glory. I know that He is waiting for me to hand Him my burdens, pain and anxiety. But you know what? I am afraid to give it to Him, because I don’t know what I will be left with.

For so long, pain was all that I knew. And now that I am happily married and things have turned around for me, I find myself still clinging to the pain of the past.

The only me that I know is the one who is broken. If I give God my brokenness, then I don’t know what I will be left with.

My painful past has been an unfortunate best friend to me for so long that I am afraid to say goodbye to what, for a long time, was the only constant that I had in my life.

Pain and heartbreak permeated my soul for so long that now fear and anxiety cover me like a shroud. If I release the shroud and allow God to take it from me, what will I find? My head knows that God will turn “broken into beautiful”. But my heart says, “What if He doesn’t and you are left with nothing all over again.”

In every other way, I try to live my life to glorify God, but I know that until I release my past to Him, that I am not truly trusting Him and living my life for Him.

But how? How do I pour it all out before His feet? How do I allow myself to be emptied of the pain when the very thought of doing so fills me with fear? How have I allowed pain to be my comfort zone?

I want to let go of the pain…I just really don’t know how.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. screamofcontinuousness permalink
    March 12, 2009 7:57 am

    I don’t know if this will help, but one thing I am learning is that as long as I keep my hands on a problem, there is no room for God to work.

    The hurt in your past is NOT you. You are way way more than that. If you want to know what else you are other than just a big ball of hurt….ask your hubby. He can tell you.

    But also ask God. Just sit down with HIM and tell HIM, LORD I have no idea what I even am, please show me. God promises wisdom to those who ask. So sit down, and ask.

  2. March 12, 2009 8:07 am

    That is exactly what my hubby says. “Ask God.” And I know that God will take the pain…I am just having trouble releasing it, I guess.

    Your comments do help! You are so sweet and I love it when you comment. It brings a smile to my face each time!

  3. March 12, 2009 10:57 am

    “If you want to know what else you are other than just a big ball of hurt….ask your hubby. He can tell you.”

    +1 (means I agree)


  4. March 13, 2009 3:32 am

    Timely message. Thanks for sharing. God is the ultimate to heal our pain. Always something to strive for in finding freedom!

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