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Being On Hold

June 9, 2010

I have been on hold with a tech support company for 30 minutes.  It feels so much longer.  Their hold music is one cheesy track of synthesized music that repeats over and over and over and over.  I fear that I am going to be humming this tune in my sleep to night.

Lately, I feel as if my life is on hold.  I am always in a state of waiting.

We are waiting to see what will happen with LSS.  Will she always be forced to bounce back and forth between us and her birth mother?  There is nothing we can do but wait and see.

We are waiting to see what will happen with Hubby’s career future.  It seems inevitable that a career shift is in his future.  But what will it be?  When will it be?  Where will it take us?  There is nothing we can do but wait and see.

We are waiting to see what will happen with our house.  It seems to be crumbling around us, but we don’t have the money to fix it.  We don’t know when we will be able to fix it.  There is nothing we can do but wait and see.

We are waiting to see what will happen with my job.  Things have been changing there.  I have not been very happy.  It is not my chosen career path, but right now, I can’t do anything to enable a switch to a new path.  I need to hire a new assistant, but my bosses are dragging their feet.  There is nothing I can do but wait and see.

My life is on perpetual hold.  I strive to look for any forward motion, but I find none.  But what is most disturbing is that my spiritual life if following suit.  I am seeing no forward motion in my relationship with Christ.  I am not going backwards, but I struggle for footholds as I try to move forward.  I long for a closer walk with Him, but sometimes He seems so far away.  I am trying my hardest not to allow the current holding pattern to affect my relationship with Christ.

Well, I am still on hold with Tech Support…I sure hope they answer soon.

And God, if You could give my life a little shove to get me out of my life’s holding pattern, I would really appreciate it.  But most importantly, can You give me a boost spiritually please?  Help me to stay headed in the right direction…even if it is just with baby-steps.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Michelle Brown permalink
    June 9, 2010 11:12 am

    Try rethinking your view of “holding pattern” as being held. In some of the darkest parts of my life I have felt the same way. You said, “I am not going backwards, but I struggle for footholds as I try to move forward. I long for a closer walk with Him, but sometimes He seems so far away.” Maybe as you struggle to move forward, He is saying, “Hold up and be still. Let me ‘hold’ you through this difficult time.”

    Great post, and may God bless your journey!

  2. June 9, 2010 11:41 am

    Michelle,
    That is a really great way of looking at it! It makes me think of the song “Held” by Natalie Grant.

    “This is what it is to be loved and to know
    That the promise was when everything fell
    We’d be held”

    Thank you for you insight!

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