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Other People’s Kids

July 24, 2009

For as long as I can remember, I have always taken care of other people’s kids.  When I was eight, there was a little girl in our church who came from an abusive home.  She was missing all of her teeth because her mother had knocked them out of her mouth with a shovel.  She was dirty and smelly.  Her clothes were tattered rags.  But I loved her and sheltered her and defended her.  Even though she was only a year younger than me, she was my girl.

When I was 11, there was a set of 2-year-old twins that I “adopted”.  Their mommy was pregnant.  Their daddy was an abusive jerk.  So I became their second mommy and spent all my free time at their house helping their mommy take care of them.  I spent two straight weeks with them when the baby was born and helped to take care of her as well.

When I was 15, there was a three-year-old from a rough home.  I took care of her for a year and then when her brother was born, I convinced my mom to let them both move in with us for the summer so that I could take care of them while their mom did her own thing.

I have always taken care of other people’s kids.  I have always lavished attention upon kids from broken homes.  I have never regretted it.  I know that this will forever be my call in life.

But I feel gypped.  And worse yet I feel like I was gypped by God.  Sure, I know in my head that I haven’t been.  But that makes me feel even worse.  Because I still feel gypped AND I feel like I am being a bad and ungrateful Christian.

I long to have tiny arms wrapped about my neck while a tiny voice whispers, “I love you, Mommy.”  I long to know that someday I will see the emotional, spiritual and physical investment that I am pouring into a little soul come into maturity.  I long to wrap a tiny body into my arms and say, “Nothing will ever separate you from my love, ” and know that no one  will ever legally be able to take that child away from me.

Many people have told me that I am doing a “great thing,” something that not many other people would ever do.  But that doesn’t make me feel any better.  All that I know is that I love these little children who aren’t mine and that loving them will inevitably break my heart.

The knowledge of that heartbreak will NEVER make me stop loving other people’s kids.

But loving other people’s kids will NEVER make me stop longing to have one that belongs to me.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 24, 2009 6:20 pm

    Hi,

    I waited 5 yrs to have my firstborn. I was 38 yrs old. Once I made the decision to let go and accept that it was never going to be, you guessed it, it was meant to be.

    You have to let go in your head and your heart. Stop feeling gypped and just maybe, who knows?!

    Law of Attraction (Esther & Jerry Hicks) is a fantastic book that will help you to learn how to let go of what you don’t want (being childless) and to let into your life what you do want (your baby).

    Best wishes.

    Pauline

  2. July 27, 2009 8:16 am

    Darling sweet girl. Please understand. God needs you to be there for these kids. And if you ever are blessed with a child…circumstances could rip them from you. Nothing is secure. We all, each and everyone of us, have to go before God every day, confess our sins (unbelief, fear, covetousness) whatever it is) and let HIM work through us with whatever He has for us to do that day.

    I’m not going to tell you that if you let go, God will bless you instantly with a child. But I will tell you this, if you give it ALL to God, He will bless you fully with whatever HE had planned for you today. How can we ask for more than that?

    I’ve been where you are. I’ve ached. I know some of what you are going through 9though certainly not all) and I KNOW BEYOND ALL DOUBT that God has something wonderful for you TODAY and every day.

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